Hope and Sorrow

Hello everybody!

This is already day 12 after arriving back in Germany. A very intense time and everything changed…again. Not easy right now, even more difficult than I already expected it to be. First a wall great so see my friends and see familiar places. The sun is shining – I would say it`s the best time to be here in Stuttgart and spend time in all the parks and green areas all over the city.
But…
I don`t feel at home here anymore. It will always be a place where I will come back with pleasure, whenever I can. But it`s not my life anymore. Well, my relation to this town was never such easy. There are a lot of bad memories connected with this city, but for sure also great memories. I juast spend already more than 15 years here and it feels that I need to make a move. I cannot imagine to settle down here – at least right now.
To have great ideas is one thing - making them true another. I am still wondering what to do. But I decided to write the next weeks a lot, to focus myself to make parts of my book ready and also create some stories I could send to Newspapers, (Travel) Magazines, Internet Platforms etc.
At the end of the day I am more a writer than anything else. And it`s time to make some final steps towards a detailed report about my journey with backflashs into my past. This is what I am workin on already a long time and the time to make a bi step is right now. That might help me also not to forget how phantastic the last three months in Southeastasia have been… Also I gave a promise. And I am serious about that. I don`t want to wait until I am thirty. At that point it need to be ready.
And yes I want to find a way to continue writing on my next journey, even if it`s very uncertain right now, when I will be able to go and where.
I still try to find ways to place my pictures and the slide shows but I need to focus on one thing now…writing.
I feel not very good right now (to say it very nicely). I feel very strange and know there is no way back to my former life. That might be a little scary but I wanted to change my live…and I did. And I feel the old feelins calling my back to a life I don`t want to lead anymore. I would even say that`s impossible.
As you mkight have seen already, I created a FB-Fanpage. That should make the contact easier and there is place for any kind of idea…check the Info Page!
Natali is right now in China on another short but crazy exhausting Buisiness-Trip. And it`s not easy at all for her. As I am struggling with having no structure and don`t know what will happen the next months, for her is opposite. She need to work all the time, there is no space for reflection, for taking a breath and getting peace to think again about all what happened with us.
Whatever she will decide… I will not be angry in any way. She need to make a decision for herself first. So many people on this earth, who don`t believe in love and feel responsible to tell people, who are trying to make it possible. That’s the only thin that makes my very sad. Love is everything to heal our souls and to act in a nice way.
Not easy to have any patience right now as my feelings are so intense and sometimes hard to stand. But whatever she choose – she will always be in my heart. Love is a gift and I don`t take it back. I have no expectations anymore – but I didn`t gave up. Why should I – we both have been sure it will not be easy. I made my choice and nothing can change it. Everything else is just private. I just wanted to give a little insight.
My live keeps being challenging and it`s not easy right now. But still better to live intense and fall down from time to time, instead not to try everything to live to the fullest.
Greetings to everybody, who is with me… Thank you!!!

Yours,

Mr. Coconutyoga